Our family walks around in a relaxed atmosphere when our son reaches out for me and asks: “Carry?”. I lift him and he nestles himself, sucks on his thumb and looks around from a safe height watching what is going on.
He likes being carried. Sometimes simply because he doesn’t feel like walking, but often because he looks for his calm and secure spot. I for myself very much like to carry him, close to my child feels delightful. Carrying seems like a hidden way of hugging. Since he grows and gets heavier we introduced the rule: some walking, some carrying.
If you carry someone, that person is able to pause and do nothing for a while. He gets ahead without consuming any energy himself. I found out that I like to help others. Already when I was a child I wanted to support and serve others. Yet I started to realize that I helped in the wrong way, basically all the time. I’ve always helped others by carrying them; I tried to make sure that the other ones got ahead without consuming energy their selves. I took their concerns and problems on my shoulders en tried to solve them.
Of course with hindsight there was no point in doing it like that. It was impossible, but I did it anyway. Yes, come to me with your troubles, I will stack them on my shoulders. There’s even more room, come on! I will order all your trouble boxes properly and arrange a structured tower of boxes so it remains standing just fine. Most of the time that worked out, but if anything small occurred in my life or if I got very tired (guess why?), all those boxes got out of balance. And the consequences were twice as bad. In the end the stacked problems turned out to be not that simple to carry…
Do I really have to carry so much of other ones sorrow? Should I solve all problems? I have to admit that deep inside I want that. Ideally I’d like to save the world. Providing peace in war and food in famine. But I also tend to act this way on a smaller scale and closer by. Providing inner peace for the restless and harmony in disagreements. But regardless of whether it is even possible to change everything for the better, the question is also how that could be done in the most efficient way.
The new helping
In my view the intention always wanting to help is not wrong. On the other hand I learned and experienced that I really shouldn’t carry other ones burdens on my shoulders. My own burdens are heavy enough. However, that doesn’t mean that I’m not committed anymore. I am as much involved as before and I want others to be happy as much as before. But now I help them in a different way.
Everyone his own path
The big difference is that I’m not going to carry anyone anymore, but that I’m going to walk along, maybe even hand in hand. Maybe with an arm on the shoulder, but the other one keeps moving on his own strength. The intention is that he puts his own energy in overcoming battles and struggles, that he actively deals with troubles and thus emerges stronger. Only then there is a natural learning process with growth and development. A helping hand for a butterfly emerging the cocoon even kills it. Out of sincere commitment I want to show possible directions. The other one may, no must determine his own path.